'Mr Allen'- Back in Action!

So...the day dawned for my return unto the classroom. It was July 2013 when I last stood before a class and the waves of fear from earlier in the week came back like Japanese tsunamis to wash away all the calm of yesterday after my introductory visit.I was given the key and Supply Teacher Handbook and then there I was back in a familiar habitat. Australian classrooms and UK classrooms smell the same...heaven knows what makes the perfume, pens, dusty books, paint, glue, paper and musty carpets.I switched on the lights and then wondered what on Earth to do. There was very little to do as everything I needed was waiting in a box by the whiteboard. I opened up the Supply Teacher Handbook and found the Fire Evacuation Policy but couldn't find where we were actually to muster in the event of a fire. I rechecked the care plan for C who has an allergy to nuts and eggs and has an epipen on standby and then stood like a lemon for a bit.I'd gone far earlier than I needed to but I wanted to seem keen and look professional. I was to open the doors at 8.30 but popped out at 8.25 to find the teacher next door to see if she could tell me where to take the class in the event of a fire. The classroom next door was pitch black and locked up. A child arrived with mum but I nipped back in my class again and locked them out. I was going to everything by the book.I opened the doors again four minutes later with a smiley 'Good Morning!' and mum and the child came in.One of the next mum's in wanted to know where the 'tuck shop' box was. I hadn't a clue as I had not been told about 'tuck shop'."It's normally here" she said."What does it look like?" I asked."A box!" she said illuminatingly."Do you want to leave it until Monday until the teacher comes back?" I asked trying to find a solution."No! He needs his lunch today!...Oh! I'll go next door and ask Mrs S" and she walked out.'You can ask her if she is there! I thought.School started at 8.50 and by 8.45 there were only 1o children there and I began to wonder if the parents were keeping them off because a strange, fat, bald man was in the classroom today.S got upset when he arrived, he was even more anxious than me but I gave him the important job of holding my special pen until I needed it and he settled down fine.By roll (registration) time all 18 had arrived but not the Teacher Aide.  She turned up halfway through roll call. I was relieved to see her at last.I had been told to pose a question during roll to encourage talk and improve language skills so I asked each child what they wanted to be when they grew up. There were a lot of policemen, many of the girls aspired to be mums. One boy said 'dead'...which I was not expecting..."Dead?" I asked perturbed...but it was his accent and he meant 'dad'. There were two farmers, and a recycling man, one teacher and a hairdresser."Ooh! What would you do with mine?" I asked."Comb it" was her reply."That might be difficult," I said.I have to say the morning was interminable...8.50 until 11.00 before it was time for morning tea. I was worn out never mind the children. We did the letter 'A' to death. We traced them, copied them, wrote them, found things starting with them, pointed at them in books until 'A' was absolutely asphyxiated and annihilated.At morning tea they were out for 30 minutes and I had a break but they didn't come back in until 11.40 and it was only then that I realised that the wall clock was fast by 10 minutes. There was a reason the Teacher's Aide said...but she never told me the reason. To me it just meant the end of the day was not as close as it seemed.By this time I had already marked out J, Z and little Sh as the class pests. Could they sit still and listen? Could they buffalo!There were 'Gotcha Bands'...( look, I don't know either)  to hand out for those children who could: 'Be responsible', 'Be resilient', 'Be a learner' and 'Be respectful.' We hadn't given out any up to morning tea but went mad upto lunch time.We did maths next. S who had perked up since the morning said he could count to 100. I got him out and he set off counting confidently but stopped him at 39 saying"I'm sorry but I'm quite an old man and I haven't got much time left to listen to more but well done!"I held up some numbers and they held up the right amount of fingers. They were all pretty good which was why I was not very comfortable introducing the Teacher Aide's task where they had to practice writing the number '1' and glue 1 thing in 6 different boxes! I was doing sorting with my group.We swapped the 'Gotcha Bands' for stickers just before lunch. Everyone had one, even Z, but not J or little Sh. I urged them to try harder in the afternoon by giving them a little, slightly menacing pep talk before I let them go for lunch.I was on dinner duty but had 15 minutes to prepare for Art in the afternoon and gobble down half a sandwich before I put my hat on and went outside.They were all sat on a carpet under a shade awning eating their packed lunches...'tuck shop' people were eating their school made items one of which appeared to be 'fried rice'!I was to help supervise those children 'at play' who had finished. Eek! It was a 'bear garden'!There was a 30 foot long rope lying on the ground that ended up being wrapped around  the climbing frame and yanked in all directions by a child that only appeared to be able to squawk her disapproval at those who got in her way. on the other hand there was a rickety wooden obstacle course with children leaping at the end onto a thick crash mat.All my Health and Safety alarms were ringing madly, nay shrieking at an ear piercing level as I tried to step in to stop children being garotted or flattened by another airborne child.The other teacher eventually came and said that the rope was for the obstacle course and should be laid on the ground. I grabbed it off 'squawker' and laid it out. It didn't stay laid out for long. I fantasized about tying them all up with it like one of those big round hay bales and going inside to finish the rest of my sandwich.It was such a relief when it was time to tidy up. I wound the rope up first!By the time the afternoon session arrived I was regretting my suggestion of finger painting apple pictures and especially dreaded letting J, Z and little Sh anywhere near it...but it went much more smoothly than I had expected and the tables were not ruined nor the chairs. There were no painted clothes or hair and faces...it was an actual miracle.J got his 'Gotcha Band' and so did little Sh..but they still wriggled through my story."Put your hand up if you have enjoyed today" I said. They all did. I hope I was the only one that lied.I sent them off...I got one hug which is not bad after only a day and then made a quick display of their finger painted apples before locking up and taking the key and Supply Teacher Handbook back to Administration."Can you do me 2 days the week after next?" Asked the Business Service Manager. I told her I would love to but couldn't say yes because of the impending op. I asked if it was Prep but it was Years 3 and 4. I was happy to let that go.I am exhausted and sadly cannot say that I enjoyed it...well, apart from my off plan bits...but I survived and could cope with a few times a fortnight if that is possible.I'll leave you with the finger painted apples we did and go and lie down in a darkened room.

Killer Teacher!

So...for the past few days waves of terror have washed over me in regards to my teaching appointment on Friday. It is completely irrational as I have 27 years teaching experience but it is mostly to do with the fact that I have been out of a classroom for more than two years and that this is a completely different country, and therefore I surmise, a completely different education system.It goes to show, somewhat, the level of my commitment in that in those two or more years I have not been bothered to even find out about the Australian Education system but that's me for you.I doubt my blood pressure has been perfect the last two days.Maree and I passed the morning in Stanthorpe at the laundrette,"I'm gonna wash that dirt right outa my pants, I'm gonna wash that dirt right outa my pants, I'm gonna wash that dirt right outa my pants and hang them on a line."...which took my mind off the fact that I was visiting the school this afternoon.Back at Frogknot I ironed a shirt and used up all the power doing so, then cleaned my canvas shoes with carpet cleaner. I ate lunch even though I didn't feel hungry and set off at 2.15 pm.I wanted to spend the whole afternoon in the class before tomorrow, mainly to check out classroom routines and especially to prepare the children for a day with a big, fat, bald man, but I was asked this morning if I could come 10 minutes before the end of school...i.e 2.50 pm.I was full of dread and brimming with inadequacy as I headed into Stanthorpe in Roxy and then I ran over a rabbit that leapt out in front of me. There was a sickening thud underneath the car and I saw it somersaulting across the road in the rear view mirror before it lay motionless upon the road.I immediately worried it was an omen.I arrived at the school at 2.40 and noticed the Prep Department was completely separate from the school across the road. It looked massive and I sweated a bit more. I called in at Administration and met Lisa who is the Business Service Manager (?!) and who was the one who had emailed me about the cover. She took me over the road to the class.I was relieved that no one screamed as I walked in, including me, in fact some children even came up to me and showed me their pictures that they had just finished. It was a big room and there were only 18 children. That fact made my mood level rise a little.Watching them gather on the carpet it was obvious that these children have only been in school for just over 2 weeks. My mood level jittered.They were all wearing name tags which was helpful. The teacher introduced me and then it was time for them to go. I would have liked a bit longer to chat but it was not possible. The teacher asked for their names tags back and said they could give them to me. She got 15 and I got 3.Lots of them left say they were going to miss her tomorrow but I said,"But I'll be here!" They didn't seem convinced that that was a good thing.Jen, the teacher knows Will when he used to work at the school years ago and we had met once before by the eggs in SuperIGA.She got her planning out for tomorrow."Be kind to me," I begged.She was.I feel so much better now I know what I am doing and it is pretty much straightforward and much of the day is based around the letter 'A'...I am the embodiment of that!Art in the afternoon was collaging an apple template with sticky paper but I suggested fingerpainting and said I would take in apples for them to copy and to show them how they are not all red and green but a mixture of the two colours.I drove home feeling much more relaxed about the whole thing. I can do it. I CAN do it. I even had a smile on my face until I drove over the rabbit I had killed earlier again.

Hairdressing at sunset.

So...we are presently visited by our friend Maree. It has been sometime since Maree has been at Frogknot and she has been very excited to see all the work we have been doing.She decided that she wanted to cut her hair, that she has been growing since 2004, at sunset on the rocks. Walking up to the rocks in the evening we startled a stag that hurried off out of sight through the trees.Will performed the hairdressing duties and then as the sun set Maree sang 'Land of Light' by Roy Gullane of the Tannahill Weavers.O sleep in peace you valleys and hillsBe safe be free as the breezeThe north wind of fear like a banshee howledAnd she drove you down on your knees to prayShe drove you down on your kneesLift up your head to the morning lightThe fight o'er darkness is wonAnd feast your eyes on the land you loveIts life returning with the sun beholdIts life returning with the sunAnd the morning walks proud, shining out like a flameNo evil could subdueYou open up your arms in friendship and joyTo welcome in the new born dayTo welcome in the newMay the spirit so strong in the shadow and stormHold fast to what is rightAnd surely as you breathe the gentle air of peaceThis land shall shelter in the light of loveThis land shall shelter in the lightIt was a special moment.

Calling 'Mr Allen'!

After more than two years I am finally heading back into the 'Realms of the Goblin' and have a days supply on Friday at Stanthorpe State School, in their 'Prep' (Reception) class!Eek!

The B̶o̶u̶r̶n̶e̶ Bottom Endurance.

So...today I was back at the Princess Alexandra for my pre-op tests.Last night I stayed at Ros's and this morning she dropped me off at the hospital at 7.30 am.I had no letter with me this time as I usually have and all I could remember of what the guy on the phone had told me was 'take the orange lifts to level 3 and go to Cardiothoracic Reception at 8.00 am.'I did all that and found myself in Ward 3c. The dark haired nurse looked up."Nicholas Allen" I said, "I am here for some tests.""Oh, you are early. Just go back out and you will see a row of chairs and take a seat. I'll be with you shortly."I went out of the door and found some seats and sat down to wait. I had been told that the tests might take all day but I certainly hoped not. What kind of tests were they going to do? I wondered. After about 15 minutes the dark haired nurse appeared and said,"I didn't mean these seats. You need to go around the corner to 3c Outpatients and take a seat there."Feeling a bit of a fool I went round the corner to Outpatients and was about to take a seat when the dark haired nurse appeared beside me. She had come round a different way."Right," she said, handing me some papers, "You need to go to Pathology for some blood tests, and then for a chest x-ray and then come back here for an ECG and then tell the girls you are finished."The sheets had little maps for me to follow to find the right places.So off I went to Pathology, down the Orange lifts, to the ground floor. Pathology was quite busy and I guessed I was going to be a while. I gave in my papers and took a seat.There was a very large gentleman sat to my right who appeared to be snoring but I could not tell if his eyes were closed or not as he was wearing dark glasses. Very little seemed to be happening in terms of hospital work, a lot of moving around, going in and out of doors and standing talking in passageways but no actual calling of names.The walls were plastered with pictures of Poland and one of a church in Taunton, Somerset!The very large gentleman on my right was getting noisier and then I saw that what I thought was his man bag was actually a bag containing an oxygen cylinder. His name was called and I tried not to watch as he tried to get out of his chair and up onto his feet and as he dragged himself off to the nurse.A little Asian lady sidled in, popped a full urine sample bottle into a basket on the reception counter and sidled out again.I was called by an Indian lady who, when she moved here, must have left her sense of humour in Delhi."You will feel a slight prick."Oh, I did.She filled about six different vials with my blood and I nearly said,"Hey, leave some for me!"There were pictures of Peru and Paris on the wall. Today they were obviously bringing us picture that start with the letter 'P'. Was it because it was Pathology. Would there be pictures of Uruguay, Utah and Uttoxeter in Urology? I will never know because I wasn't going there.I went back in the Orange lifts and up to Level 1 to Radiology.I was a little alarmed to see a book entitled 'Knife Crime, UK Gangland' on the reception counter. The 'Check In' girl was busy so I was called forward by the 'Check Out' guy. He took my papers and tapped at his computer."Is this anyone's book?" called the 'Check In' girl, holding 'Knife Crime, UK Gangland' aloft."Nah, it was there yesterday" said the 'Check Out' guy. He invited me to take a seat.I had hardly sat down when I was called in for my x-ray by the cheeriest person so far that day. She was young, so that was probably a factor, and just full of bounce.The x-rays took no time as I stood 'perfectly' for Miss Bounce for my full frontal and a 'sidal' (?)"Just pop back to Reception, you might have to sign something," she said cheerily. I didn't because the 'Check Out' guy had already told me I didn't need to.Back up the Orange lifts to Level 3 and my ECG. The elderly couple in front of me at the desk wangled an early ECG for the husband to save them time later. He was given a number 11. I handed in my papers and she gave me the number 13. I nearly said "13? What happened to 12?"...but didn't.I took another seat facing a set of 6 doors. It was like watching some weird game show 'Guess which door they will come out of next." Some one would go in one door and come out another. It was baffling.The wife of the elderly couple was called. She was '10'. She muttered something to the ECG guy and he called '11' as well, so her husband went in too.I was surely next.The elderly wife was out first, of the same door she went in but her husband came out of the next door along."Number 12" called the ECG guy. I got ready for him to call '13' but another elderly guy stood up and went in.He never came out before I was called in. Behind the door was a very small room with a curtain. It was so small the ECG guy and I were practically embracing."Have you had an ECG before?" he asked." I think so," I said. I've had so many procedures since arriving here I couldn't remember."Just slip your top off and come through."I took my t-shirt off and stepped through the curtain and there was 'elderly 12' fastening up his shirt, in another small room. I almost squealed and covered my nipples."Could you go back in there and close the curtain?" said ECG guy to 'elderly 12'. He did.I understood the door mystery now. Two doors led into one ECG room.The ECG was quick too. He stuck loads of sticky pads all over me, hooked up some leads stood back a moment or two and then took them all off again."Where do I go now?" I asked."I'd see the girls at Reception," he said.I asked the girl at Reception what I should do now. She didn't seem to have a clue."Shall I go back to see the nurse?" I asked."Yes, go back to see the nurse," she said.I went back to Ward 3c. The dark haired nurse was on the phone. She did not look happy with the caller at all and sounded a bit irate. Another woman said,"Can I help?"I told her I had finished all my tests and asked what I should do now."Oh, I am not used to seeing these before lunchtime. You've done well but you need to speak to my colleague here but she is just on the phone. She won't be a moment."The dark haired nurse put her hand over the mouthpiece and snapped,"You need to go and wait in Outpatients. This is the Ward. Wait on the seats out there and I will be with you shortly."She was 'Grumpy' to me now.I slumped off to Outpatients and sat down. The ECG patients were waiting to my right and the people on my right were waiting for Cardio consultants. I doubted it was the right place. Did 'Grumpy' mean the seats outside in the corridor? I didn't know what to do.I went and sat outside in the corridor.Grumpy came along looking for me and it was obvious I was in the wrong place again."Follow me" she said with a sigh."Well, I didn't know which chairs you meant," I whined. "There are so many flippin' chairs here it's unbelievable!"I followed her into a room."Well, you can sit in THAT chair!" She said with a smile pointing at a chair and she walked out. She came back in wheeling a blood pressure machine.It was only then that I noticed she was pregnant. I put her grumpiness down to hormones.The blood pressure machine would not work so she had to do it the old fashioned way. Halfway through her second check I started to tell her I was on blood pressure tablets."Hang on I need to listen" she interrupted.Mt blood pressure was perfect! "Whatever you are on is working" she said.She asked loads of questions and typed it all into the computer,"Who do you live with?""My partner.""Is it a he or a she?""A he.""How did I know that? Do you smoke?""One cigarette when I was about 17.""Non-smoker! Alcohol?""No.""Drugs?""No.""No recreational drugs?""No."She weighed me. The scales said 88.8 kgs and I was dressed. I was in shock!"Any sudden weight loss?""Well, that's the lightest I have been in ages," I said, "It's usually around 93 kgs."She talked about what I should expect in hospital, about pain relief and the strict visiting times She fetched me some special body wash  that I must use before I arrive for my operation and a plastic thing with balls in that I have to suck to help re-inflate my lung."Ooh, a free game!" I said, having a go at it.Next I had to see a Doctor. She went to get him. He was called Jason. He was Asian. He was the second cheeriest person of the day but didn't quite beat Miss Bounce. He asked more questions, some repeats of 'Grumpy Kate's' questions. (I found out her name from Jason.) He was pleased with everything and showed me scans of the 'lump.'It's not small," he said.After Jason Kate came back and took me off to the Pre-Admissions Clinic."Go get something to eat, I'll drop these papers off at the desk for you."I had a quick lunch and hot chocolate. The very large gentleman from pathology waddled in, sat down and put on his oxygen mask. I resisted buying a cake. He hadn't.Back at the Pre-Admissions Clinic the Receptionist looked World weary and moved about like a teenager forced to do something they don't want to.She couldn't find me on the system and was wondering why when I heard my name being called. I rushed away towards the voice leaving her holding my medicare card and looking bewildered.I had to be weighed and my height measured. I was now 90.2 kgs....Damn lunch! The World weary receptionist sloped in and gave me back my medicare card and sloped off again.My blood pressure was taken again.It was still perfect."In fact everything looks perfect," said the nurse looking at my notes."What the hell are you doing in here then?" leaned in another nurse."Ah, I have something growing inside me that needs taking out, " I said, "but apart from that I am perfect!"I had to go back out and wait in the seats again. All life was here...it was very busy and everyone was fed up of going here and there and waiting for this test and that test. It was not a happy place. I discovered that many of the seats were taken up by interpreters waiting to translate for other patients.Next I was called by Tamara, a pharmacist who wanted to check my medications. I only take the one blood pressure tablet so that did not take long. I must still take it on the day of my operation.Back to the seats and now came the longest wait...even I was losing the will to live and I at least appreciated that everybody was doing their best and I felt lucky to be there in the first place getting this 'lump' thing sorted....but I could have reached out and grabbed 'World weary' and screamed "HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ME? WHEN AM I GOING TO BE CALLED AGAIN?!"It was well over an hour and a half of mind numbing channel 9 TV and the groans of all manner of people, old, young, white, black, fat and thin before Sam called me. He was an anaesthetist and the last person I was to see.I will have a general anaesthetic....I knew that. It is delivered by cannula. Did I have any questions?"Yes, how do you know I am knocked out and not feeling everything?""Ah, yes a genuine concern. Look, it only happens to about 1 in a thousand."WHAT?! I nearly ran out there and then. That's a lot of people! Sam wasn't putting my mind at rest. Shut up Sam, let me go! I was thinking. I've had enough anyway.Finally I was free to go. It was 2.00 pm and I had been there since 7.30 am. My bum was numb.I still have no date for my operation but 'Grumpy Kate' thinks it might be Monday.Watch this space.