The 'Wang' answer.

So.....I was back at the Surgery this morning for my results.Bored Stacey was finishing off a sausage roll behind the Reception desk when I checked in....there were crumbs all over her paperwork, top lip and belly.She wasn't the best advertisement for healthy living."Aren't you having a blood test as well?" She said."I am.""Just take a number and take a seat," she said."Do you think I will have time before I see the doctor?" I asked.She had another mouth full of sausage roll so she just nodded vigorously. A few pastry flakes snowed down onto her chest.I took the number 5 and sat down....the waiting room was quite full.Almost immediately a large man close to me started to say something loudly which was unintelligible.'Oh no!' I thought, 'I have sat near 'the nutter!'.....but he wasn't 'the nutter.' It turned out he was telling me I could just go straight in for my blood test because there was nobody in front of me.I walked down the corridor to Pathology.The Indian lady was there again......Sanjita......"take a seat," she said."Have you fasted?""I have,' I said....in fact I remembered that not even my blood pressure tablet had passed my lips. I started to worry that my blood was going to spurt out and knock Sanjita over.She fussed about with my left arm, tapping it.....I decided not to look and just go with the flow......I think I should have looked......not looking is worse.....it hurt.....I think I mouthed a swear word.....but did not actually speak it.She wasn't knocked over but she filled two vials quite quickly.She popped a swab of cotton wool over my puncture and strapped it on with tape and thanked me and I went back to the waiting room.I learned nothing new from 'TonicTV' that I didn't already know. While I had been in Pathology an old bloke had arrived and he was talking loudly to another old couple......"Tony Abbott......lying bastard!........'Scuse my French."He did go onto say he had found a good mechanic though.....I made a note of the mechanic's address.....it is so hard to find a good mechanic.....so many are 'Tony Abbotts.'"Nicholas?".....it was Dr Wang. I followed him into his Surgery. My time had finally come 45 minutes after my original appointment time."How are you?""Oh, much better. I wondered what the result of my ultrasound was?""We have no report yet," he said."But, I brought an envelope in and left it behind the desk," I said. Crikey! It was probably buried under sausage roll crumbs."No, that was the film, we don't look at that. You did not do your blood test yet?""I have. I've just done it now.....what about the urine test results?""Oh, that was ok. Maybe you come back next we and we have the report then."I had been in his room less than a minute."Oh, ok then......er.....right" and the Brit in me added......"Sorry, for wasting your time.""Oh, that's ok."............it was the 'Wang' answer!He should have said....."Oh, it's not your fault!"

Film Night Update III

Dicky Bladder?

"Have you set your alarm?" Asked Will as we got into bed, so I wouldn't be late for my date with Terry."I don't need to, I will be awake," I said confidently.I was awake at 8.45 am but closed my eyes again......not to sleep of course, just closing my eyes......and the next think I knew it was 9.16!I had instructions from Terry to empty my bladder at 9.00 then drink 800mls of water by 9.30......I had 14 minutes left.I dashed upstairs and started to drink and finally finished by 9.40.....10 minutes over but that would be ok, wouldn't it?I got to Terry's X Ray joint on time....it was packed out and there was a tense atmosphere. It is not a big place, about the size of a shipping container. 'Hmmm' I thought looking around, 'this is what it must feel like to be a desperate refugee seeking a better life.'The young receptionist behind the desk just looked stressed out and on the verge of tears.I handed her my papers and she looked at them."Have you drunk the water?" She said accusingly."I have," I said."Take a seat."One had become available while I was waiting at the desk so I squeezed into it between a very large Samoan gentleman and a young Indian girl plugged into an Ipad.I read 'Introducing Terry' the laminated sheet on the wall which always amuses me.....did you know he likes to plant Australian Native species with his son?The young Indian girl looked up uneasily at me as it appeared I was staring at her.....but I wasn't.There was another laminate stuck on the front of the desk..."Fresh not Fried!"Terry appeared in his trainers and purple shirt with far too many buttons undone for someone with that paunch. His receding hair slicked back with chip fat. He had a quiet chat to the girl behind the reception desk (Michelle)....she gasped....."No, it's not your fault, you weren't to know....just ring them and see if you can sort it out."He disappeared again back into his cupboard. An Indian woman appeared and said to Michelle, "I'm just going to leave my next patient for a few minutes while I go and have a drink of water,".......like Michelle gave a damn!From what I gathered it seems that they hugely overbooked appointments and where having to ask people to look elsewhere."Right, whose is the foot? I'm looking for a foot?" It was Terry's professionalism shining through.A young chap stood up and limped off."Is it a nail? Glass? Tin can? Give us a look?" Said Terry, even before the chap had got into the privacy of Terry's cupboard. I winced at the thought.A very tall workman appeared from out the back, his face blackened with soot and wearing very soiled overalls....he looked like a chimney sweep and very out of place....he hovered by the desk but Michelle was having a nervous breakdown, he looked around at the rest of us and caught me looking at him. I smiled. He didn't return it, slid the door open and went out.Had I just dreamed that? Did anyone else see that chimney sweep? I wondered.The Indian woman, now hydrated returned...."Nicholas?"I followed her down to the back of Terry's shipping container. Terry's foot patient was lying on a bed in Terry's cupboard.I followed the Indian woman into a room at the back. It was like stepping into a 'Nocturnal House' at the zoo....it was very dark."Lie on the bed please."I got on."Have you drunk the water?""I have." I said."Could you move a little higher up the bed?"I did."Lift your t-shirt and pull your shorts down a bit........lower.........lower." 'Splurge!' She squeezed some gel on my tummy. It was cold.She put the ultrasound doodah on my tummy and moved it around and shook her head.'I'm going to die' I thought and began to flash through my life....I'd just got to a very amusing bit when she interrupted me...."It's not full," she said, "Did you drink the water?"Yikes! Had taking that extra 10 minutes to drink the water really affected it that much? I felt a bit guilty."I have, I drank the water, 800 mls!""You'll have to come back."She looked at her appointments...."Yes, I can fit you in. Here's a tissue, clean up and meet me at the front desk."Back at reception she said to Michelle, "This gentleman needs to come back in half an hour. His bladder is not full.""Did you drink the water?" Michelle was even more accusing due to her bad day.Mine was not turning out much better."I did!" I almost banged on the desk to make my point."Come back at 11.10.""I'll go and drink more water," I said.I walked to Woolies and got a bottle of water.....and drank it while walking around the shop.....another 600 mls. I was feeling peckish so looked for a snack-let and spotted some warm chicken goujon things near the deli so got them and went and nibbled on them in the car.I also needed to get some blood tests done and wondered if I had time to do it now at Dr Wang's Surgery. I nipped back in."Are they doing the blood tests today?" I asked Bored Stacey."Yes, I think you can just go straight in....down that corridor there."What fantastic luck!The door to Pathology was open. An Indian woman was looking at some papers."Just take a seat," she said as she finished looking at her papers.I handed her my Medicare card and my papers."Right, so have you drunk plenty of water?" Had I!!!!!! I couldn't be bothered to go into it so just nodded."......and have you eaten?""No.........er........yes!" I said."Breakfast?""No just a snack-let about 5 minutes ago.""I'm sorry, I can't do your blood test.....it says 'fasting' here, for a cholesterol test.""It says what?" She handed me the paper sure enough 'Fasting' was circled....."but it was just 5 minutes ago.""I'm sorry, you'll have to come back on Thursday."Dang and Blast!I walked back to Terry's.There was a big lady waiting at the desk. No one was behind the desk. I took a seat. I had plenty to choose from now. Only one was filled by the young Indian girl still plugged into her Ipad."Yes, what can I do for you dear?" An older lady appeared and sat behind the desk.Crikey! Michelle has had enough and done a runner, I thought.The big lady mumbled something......"I'll just go and check..." said the older receptionist.I heard her talking at the back of the shipping container.Michelle appeared with a plate of green leaves and a lump of dry bread in her mouth.'Has this girl got anything to live for?' I wondered."Oh, you're back!" It was the Indian woman. It just struck me that plugged in Indian girl must be her daughter and not a very patient patient."Does your bladder feel full?""Erm, I don't know." It obviously didn't.Back on the bed, t-shirt raised and shorts lowered and following another 'splurge!'.....the Indian woman was once more probing me with her doodah.I crossed my fingers.She shook her head."It's not full. Only 63 mls" She said. How could she be so accurate?"I've just drunk another 600 mls" I said. "Where can it be going? Could I be so dehydrated that it is just being soaked up?"I couldn't say but I'll look at your kidneys anyway."She checked them both out."I can't see any stones," she said.I wasn't expecting there to be any anyway. I am sure it is a more digestive problem.She checked my bladder again.....I now had 70 mls but still not enough.....she did the scan anyway and said she would put a note in for Dr Wang.When it was over I had to wait back at Reception.Terry was now behind the desk.....no sign of any of his receptionists."Everything alright Nick?""Well, I drank the water but didn't have a full bladder.....I even drank another 600 mls.""Really?!" Said Terry, like he'd never heard the like in the whole of his career. He stopped talking to me... I was obviously a freak!I ruminated.....'I've heard of water on the brain...what does it mean? Was my water going to my brain? What happens if water gets in your brain?'"Here are your results." It was the Indian lady. "Just hand them to your doctor the next time you go, hope everything goes well."What did that mean?I dropped the envelope in at the Surgery."Can I leave this here?" I asked Bored Stacey."Ta" she said, stifling a yawn.Back in the car I nibbled on the last few chicken goujons for comfort.

Feeling better.

I awoke feeling much better which was a great relief after how I felt yesterday.I do not do illness well.I was at the Surgery for 9.05 for a 9.15 appointment. Today on 'TonicTV' I learned that burns need to be kept moist, a lack of sleep makes you more susceptible to a cold and 85% of women wear ill-fitting bras.I finally got into see Dr Wang at 10.10...that's surgeries for you.I told him I was feeling much better but he wants to do some blood tests as I think it is more intestinal than anything to do with my kidneys, but what do I know?I have to go back on Thursday to get the results of the ultrasound.  

So...what is 'Wang' with me?

The last few days have not been pleasant.Firstly, Will was ill with something that was very much like what I had in Melbourne. He thankfully recovered after 24 hours.On Friday I began to feel unwell, with an ache in my right side and a very tender and sore belly. I have long suspected that I sometimes suffer with IBS and have had similar occurrences on and off for a few years but they do usually not last much more than a day.This time the ache was pretty constant and when paracetamol did not help turned to ibuprofen which helped.We both did not get much sleep on Friday night because I was feeling very uncomfortable and was consequently restless.Will had checked the opening times of the surgery online and found that it was closed on Saturdays and Sundays but we did, if necessary, have the option of calling '123 SICK' the out of hours doctor service.I nipped to the shops on Saturday morning and noticed that actually the Surgery was open and so made an appointment to see Dr Wang at 12.15.The waiting room had changed since my last visit and it now had a large TV screen to entertain those waiting. I soon realised it was not just ordinary programming, it was 'TonicTv' sowing a selection of health related items.I learned to 'eat plenty of vegetables' (doh!),'drink tea' (because Asian people are healthier) and play golf (because golf players are healthier than non golf players).All of the large bellied men in the waiting room were just looking at their phones and not watching.Finally it was time to heave my belly into Dr Wang's office. I explained everything, how  felt etc. His first thought was 'shingles' but he could find no rash."Oh, I have a spot here on my arm," I said, pointing it out.He was most amused by that because apparently 'shingles' only covers the area of your nervous system...."You get rash here...." he said waving his hand down and across my back, not here pointing at my shoulders and laughing.He poked and prodded...."Does it hurt?"...It didn't. I had to show I could bend over.....I could."It a bit red," he said."You do a urine sample, and I think we get ultrasound. ""I noticed that it says on the packet 'check with your doctor before taking ibuprofen if you are on blood pressure medication'," I said.He gave me some paracetamol/codeine tablets...."Very strong, no driving. Come back on Monday morning."I made an appointment for Monday morning, got the tablets from the Pharmacy and walked over to Terry's place to make an appointment for my ultrasound.Terry himself was sat behind the reception desk, looking more sleazy and greasy than normal."Stupid, F*&£?ing thing!" were the first words he uttered..... he was talking to his computer not to me.It was the kind of charming welcome one can expect at Terry's."Ah, Nicholas!" It sounded like he'd heard of me.I wondered briefly if he had found Possum by accident and read how pleasantly I portray him."How long have you had the pain?""Since yesterday afternoon.""Well, you don't hang about do you?"What did that mean? Is there a proper length of time for leaving hideously nagging pains before you contact a doctor?"Are you busy? What days can you do?""Any day," I said. "The sooner the better.""What do you do?""I'm a carer.""So busy everyday." He said."Tuesday morning at 10.30?"It was a date!Saturday night was made easier with the help of the tablets and I did get some sleep.The pharmacist had said that as I had not taken any before it was best to start off with one at a time. I took one the first time but since then have been taking two.....every six hours. They seem to work for about 4 hours and then I am in pain for the next 2.Today, Sunday, has been awful....I have been in bed all day....a few times I have nearly called '123SICK' but braved it out. I have eaten nothing and just drunk water.....until I was sick and brought it all up again and had to start again. Where is Vimto when you need it?  I did get some Ribena....but I have very quickly gone off that.It has been hot and sticky and the Man Cave feels very much like being in a leper colony, with just one leper.4 more tablets and I can see Dr Wang again.....I think he is hoping to find a rash.....but there is no rash.With nothing to do but lie there and wonder what it is, I have come up with quite a few ideas, all of which do not fill me with joy.....even if that joy has just been given a new set of bottom teeth!"2015!.......this is not a good start........You better buck up! Mate!"