It looks like all you need is a big bum!

Hopeless.

So...Day 3 in the realm of Toerag and Fidget.Fidget was a no- show again today and so was A(!)The SENCo arrived at the end of roll to see if he was here and was surprised he wasn't."Don't hold your breath yet" she said as she walked out."Don't go ringing to see where he is!" I called out after her.How strange that I felt a little miffed that A wasn't there after all the planning and preparation I had done to make the day interesting and fun.We started with a 'Guess the Animal' game with a variety of animals stuck on their foreheads with blu-tac. I said we were doing it to practise asking good questions but really it was just for fun. Next we were outside for a number hunt and then back inside sticking the numbers we found into our books. The Y2's pairing numbers that make 20 and the Y1's pairing numbers that make 10. The we did some simple graph work before Morning Tea.After Morning Tea we went into our reading groups and I did antonyms with my groups, Then I read them all the story Leaf Man and we spent the next hour making pictures with leaves that they and I had brought in.I don't know if it was something she ate at Morning Tea but B went completely haywire for this whole session and was generally being loud and uncooperative. That is the thing about this class...you never know what to expect next.She had calmed down by the afternoon session where we made fish out of paper plates and decorated them with scales made from quartered cup cake cases."We always do fun things with you Mr Allen," said S."Thank you" I said thinking the funny thing was when I was planning it all I was really thinking about me and how I could make the day quick and easy for me to get through!I was on bus duty again and I was thinking, amongst all the bickering and shouting and clamour of tired children, that it was another point against ever venturing back into the realm of Toerag and Fidget once this week is over.Here are the gifts I got today. The first two are from J who has been difficult and challenging in the past...

One more day to go!

Beyond Hope.

So...Day 2 in the realm of Toerag and Fidget.A crept in before the bell like a leopard hunting prey. He went straight to the games cupboard but I said "No. Books or comics only" and he listened chose a book. I even got him out to line up but he had to bring Harry Potter with him.Fidget was not there today and for a brief moment it seemed that Toerag too was staying away but he turned up just before we headed to Parade.The Teacher Aide was nowhere to be seen but the SENCo turned up to help me get them to Parade. She pushed D in his wheelchair.We spent another chilly 30 minutes sitting on frayed and decaying carpets in a draughty, man-made cavern of a room. One of the School Crossing ladies was retiring after 27 years.The Principal made a big fuss about how long it was. The Crossing Lady started holding her lollipop the year I started teaching. I knew how long it was.By the time we got back to the classroom the Teacher Aide was there. It was a great relief, Between 10.00 and 12.00 pm we were in full swing. I kept changing the activities to keep it fresh and interesting. We started off with a word hunt and A joined in without any fuss."This kind of thing is great," said the Teacher Aide, "I think we need to pass this on to Mrs G."Next I gave them a colouring sheet related to the book they are studying at the moment. It was a calm down activity and another 20 or so minutes passed without incident. Then we did some phonic work followed by fun maths activity and then it was 12.00 pm and time for them to go to PE.I had an hour without them before lunch and then another hour after lunch when they went to Music. I spent that time preparing work and planning for Thursday and Friday.I think in all it was one of the least stressful days I have had in that class.I was on bus duty after school which was even more 'joyful' than usual given the fact that the other woman doing it with me was another supply teacher and we both didn't know the children well or which buses they were supposed to go on. We both couldn't believe it had been left to us but somehow we got through it and so far I have not been visited by the Police.2 more days to go!I CAN do it.

Hope is gone!

So...it was back to the realm of Toerag and Fidget today.It has all been an unexpected turn of events and very last minute and I am left with very little planning for the week but thankfully most of today was fairly well planned.I was preparing the classroom before school and suddenly a pair of little arms wrapped themselves around me and it was Mason, pleased to see me. Seeing the faces of lots of the other children light up when they saw me made me feel that I had done the right thing in not abandoning as I had intended. I had found a note from a supply teacher last Friday who had written to the real class teacher saying that the day had been OK but that Alex had cried for most of the morning 'because Mr Allen was not his teacher!" I felt bad that I had concocted an excuse to get out of covering that day.The SENCo was convinced, before school, I would have a good day with A. I wouldn't say that in hindsight. The first session until Morning tea was interminable. I tried to keep things light and busy and tried to get them moving about and it worked to some extent but it was still hard work.Toerag and Fidget were absolutely no bother at all and almost unnoticeable...but A was hard work even with a full time Teaching Assistant. Fidget left half way through the day after vomiting all over himself (and Toerag was looking ill by the afternoon and was taken to the office but returned before we went home....No such luck with A.)A had his ritalin at 11.00 and the next session he actually got some work done. By the afternoon I was able to gain some control over him and actually got him to sit still and wait his turn for a group activity but then 5 minutes before the final bell he was climbing up the cupboards and being defiant. I don't know how I kept it together but I did.3 more days to go....and I have decided....yet again....forget their happy faces and  Alex can cry.....I am not going back in there after this week.Oh, and Hope had gone....literally. She has moved away to another school.

Better the Devil you know!

So...I drove to school this morning with the quiet resignation of prisoner on Death Row walking to his execution....there was nothing I could do about it.I wasted quite a bit of time queueing to use the photocopier and then paced about the classroom like a caged tiger waiting for the bell to go.A boy wandered in....J we shall call him. He was very polite and chatty and I thought, 'what a nice boy. If they are all like this it will all be alright.'It was a miserable day outside and still quite wet from the passing Low front. The bell went and I went down to face my destiny.There were 28 of them...I had counted the roll.....28! I am not used to that. There are only 22 in Toerag and Fidget's class and only 20 in Prep!They followed me back up to the room and I sat them down and took the roll....asking them how their weekend had been.It was all very strange for this teacher who for the past 27 years has taught no one older than 7. I have seen younger looking Policeman than this bunch.J, for it was he, was rather chatty and I began to realise that he was not as pleasant and polite as he had first appeared.The morning until 'Morning Tea' was whirlwind of spelling, Mental maths, protractors and angles, and word work that I hardly had time to breathe. Most got on quickly with what they were supposed to do but there was a girl sat at the back in her black coat with her hood up, looking like Death's sister or The Nun of Doom who didn't seem to be doing anything. I knew for speaking to the teacher that there was a girl who was a bit uncooperative and took the Nun of Doom to be her. To be honest I couldn't give two hoots whether she worked or not. She was old enough to know better and I was going to worry about her not getting on....it wasn't hurting me.J continued to be a pain, wandering about, shouting out and generally just being a bit too cocky.After two hours it was 'Morning Tea' and although the morning had been hectic all had gone really smoothly but I had come to the conclusion that it just wasn't for me. I really prefer the younger ages. Still it was only for a week and then I wouldn't have to do it again.I went back to the office to do some more photocopying and was accosted by the Business Manager."Is our partner free this week?""He is only free Mondays and Tuesdays," I said, "The rest of the week he works at the cheese factory.""Oh," she said, looking disappointed briefly and then her face lit up."What about if we move you from the class you are in this week to Mrs G's class? How do you feel about that?"Can you guess which class she meant?....Yes! Toerag and Fidget's class! She was asking me to go in there for four days!Now, I know I said I was abandoning them last week but all things considered at least in Toerag and Fidget's class I have 27 years of experience to help me through. I was clearly thinking hard about it and just before I said "OK then" the Business Manager added"I will make sure you have a full time Teacher Aide for your time in there." It was a definite boon."Ok," I said, "I'll do it."Lunchtime was upon me before I knew it and I had a 30 minute duty which I was dreading. As it turned out a message came over the tannoy just before lunch to say it was to be a Wet Lunchtime"."What does that mean?" I asked."Oh, it means we go into the Stadium," I was told.Imagine if you can 100 children in a confined, albeit large room, with hundreds of balls of different shapes and sizes, frisbees and  hoops flying about. Forget the Lion's Den this was surely Hell!Luckily there was another teacher with me and between us we managed to get everyone out alive. Angel was with us again but thankfully she did not cling to me this time. "Will you play ball with me?" she asked once. "Angel, I am wearing a luminous tabard and have a clipboard with first aid procedures and all manner of important information therein. Does it look like I am available to chuck a ball at you?"There was one surreal moment amongst all the chaos. There amongst the clamour and the bedlam sat a girl upon the floor with three plastic birds sat before her in a row next to a colourful umbrella. She was calmly stroking another plastic bird in her hands. I stood transfixed and she looked up and cackled like a witch,"I love these birds. I hope I get more for Christmas" and she smiled a frighteningly toothless grin.There was another tall girl stood next to me and I looked at her in alarm, my face crying out 'What the heck is that?'"It's just Sapphire" she said.It was indeed Bedlam!The rest of the day with the Year 5/6 was just as hectic as the morning and J was increasingly painful until I snapped at him and threatened to send him out. It shut him up and after we had finished reading a story together I apologised to the rest of the class for shouting but added "It was his fault" and pointed at J.I didn't let it lie there...he was craving attention and I was going to give him it..."When I first met you this morning I thought what a polite, well behaved boy but I was wrong wasn't I? You are not as nice as I thought. Are you happy now that you pushed me to shouting point? Do you feel some sense of satisfaction that you pushed me too far? Why is it J that you feel you have to carry on like this?"J was getting redder and redder and his smirk was fading fast."I don't know" He said."No I don't know either but you know what I'll tell you this if you carry on like that you will have a miserable life.Look, I can see that you are a clever lad, you have a brain but you are using it completely in the wrong way. I really wish I could have got to know you better, you know, find out what you are really like but as it is I am not going to be back in here tomorrow and so I will leave only seeing the boy you have been today. Which is a shame because I know you are better than that. You need to make the right choices J and do the right thing and not waste the chances you have got. Only you can do that. It's up to you. "He was on the verge  of tears when the rottweiler in me finally released him and he was much better for the rest of the afternoon. As for the Nun of Doom, I pulled her hood down and whispered " I prefer to see your face." I don't know what it was but somehow there was a moment in the afternoon, her blinding light on the road to Damascus, that caused her to work really well for the rest of the day.So...that was it. One day in a Year 5/6 class.... I survived it but don't feel the need to do it again. I am better off and more at home with the younger ages. They don't need to be told if 'b' and 'd' are congruent...as I said to the class today...." Who really cares.....honestly?"