Bliss!

Water!

We were up early. It had started raining during the night and was still raining in the morning. Last night the news had warned us to expect a 'major rain event.'Someone was coming to service Jaxy at 8.00 am and I was determined to drink the 1 litre of water I had been directed to do before I went for my CT scan.....and give myself plenty of time to do it unlike the rush I had last time before my ultrasound.I drank over a litre in an hour, worried that I was going to have the same problem as last time and get there to find that I did not have a full bladder......I need not have worried.....I was bursting by 9.15 and my scan was not due until 10.20!Outside the rain was tipping it down and the garden was waterlogged and torrents were pouring down the gutters in Celtis St.Will's Slovakian mechanic arrived to tinker with Jaxy's nuts, Dulcie put the tennis on and I crossed my legs.I set off at 9.45 in Roxy. It was chaos out there.I quickly found the road I needed to go on was blocked when I saw a car with water halfway up its side standing stationary in the middle of the road a little way ahead. A police car was blocking the road before it.I had to quickly recalculate my route and turn round and head a different way.  I passed a van that had skidded off the road and crashed into a telegraph pole. There was lots of traffic trying to find ways to get around the floods. My bladder was screaming for relief as I had to wait at one set of traffic lights for three separate cycles before I could get through. I arrived slightly late at the Exact Radiology Clinic but hoped they would be understanding. I parked under the clinic in an underground car park and hoped it would not fill up with water while I was inside. I got in a very swish stainless steel lift up to the ground floor.My bladder screamed again when I saw the waiting room was packed.....but thankfully I did not have to wait too long before I was called by a small young Asian man."How are you?" He asked."Desperate for the loo," I said.He lead me into a room with a big metal do-nut shaped machine."Have you had  CT scan before?""I have," I said."Just lie down on here then and raise your arms above your head," he said and he walked away.He was back soon and pressing a button he raised the platform I was lying on and slid it on to the centre of the metal do-nut until it stopped and then he left me again. I heard a door squeak and close."Take a deep breath in and hold it," said the machine loudly. It made me jump and I almost pee'd myself.I did as it asked and the machine whirred and I slid slowly out of it.I stopped moving and I heard the door squeak open and footsteps coming nearer." Don't move, just hold that position. I just need to deal with an emergency outside," said the little Asian man slipping on rubber gloves.My bladder cried "I don't believe it! How long is he going to be?"The door squeaked closed.I spotted an x-ray image on a screen above to my left. I would recognise the shape of my tummy anywhere. I could see my spine  but was a bit concerned about dark lumps dotted around my abdomen. My bladder was not bothered, it was just saying "Look how full I am!" I could see it was.The door squeaked open, footsteps, something dropping in a bin, the sound of more rubber gloves being squeezed on, footsteps, the door squeaked close, my bladder swore.The door squeaked open again, more footsteps and then it squeaked closed again.I noticed a cursor moving over the image on the screen to my left and then I slid back into the do-nut."Take a deep breath in and hold it," said the machine. It whirred and I slowly slid out.The door squeaked open and the small Asian man was there saying,"Ok, that's it.""Can I go to the loo now?" I asked."Yes," he said "Then I'll bring your films to the waiting room."Oh, the blissful relief!He was waiting outside the loo with my films. I will take them to the doctor next week.I took the swish lift back down to the  car park which was, thankfully, not flooded and headed home.I passed another road accident near Aldi.All the creeks I passed were full to bursting and it was still raining.This afternoon we are heading down to river country for a weekend with Trace and Jen.We don't really want any extra water down there.

Doctor - Two.

Doctor - One We had a bit of a rush to get to Dr Hew this morning for 9.10. The traffic lights seemed to be against us and we had to wait for 2 trains at the rail crossing at Cooper's Plains....but we got there with a few minutes to spare."I don't think I will need that, Nick," said Dulcie as I was getting her walker out of the back of the car."Ah, but it's useful for sitting on," I said, determined it was coming with us.Marie was on the phone when we trundled in...."Yes, and Dr Hew looked at it?...........Does it need excising?..........Ha! You don't need your ear amputating then! Ok, fine, see you tomorrow then."She jumped up and gave Dulcie a huge hug."You are looking great! Look, even your hair is..........(long pause trying to choose the right word) coloured. How lovely that you came to see me today."We didn't. We came to see Dr Hew."Well, actually we didn't know you would be here. We thought you worked on Mondays and Wednesdays." I said.Marie went into a long complicated explanation of how it had changed but I didn't care so stopped listening.Dulcie went in next even though there had been another elderly couple in the waiting room when we arrived.She didn't take her walker but held onto Marie down the corridor."I can't get over how great she looks," she said to Will and I when she came back. " I think it is because she is dressed differently. She always used to come in the same thing as it it was the way she dressed for the doctors."It was.......long pants, shirt, waistcoat jacket and dark glasses. Today she was in one of her new blouses from Millers and shorts!She was soon out with Marie rushing down the corridor to help her back.She has some more antibiotics for the finger that is still sore and some new cream to put on it. Dr Hew has taken another bit of skin to get it tested."I'm not to get it wet"Crikey! Another fortnight of trying to keep her away from the washing up!Doctor - Two.My appointment was at 11.00.The waiting room was quite empty.....but there was a queue at the desk. First there was a big, burly, fluorescent labourer, then a paddy field worker complete with wide brimmed straw hat and dark glasses, then me. We stood and waited......I wondered who would be on the desk today.......I made a good guess.........I was right.Eventually Bored Stacey swaggered out of the back carrying a pink flask, probably filled with gin, and a phone. It had obviously been her fag break. It made a mockery of the poster behind her on the wall that said "This is a Surgery that supports you in quitting smoking!"The big, burly, fluorescent labourer was checked in and then completely ignoring the paddy field worker, she looked straight at me and said "Nicholas, isn't it?"I was impressed! I sat down.She finally noticed the paddy field worker and checked him in.....I think he had bit of difficulty understanding her.Today on Tonic TV I learned that honey is good for cuts, coughs and in an emergency, as a draft excluder......I jest about the last one but it could be true. Also, apparently, we need to help young people develop their brains. They don't stop developing until they are in their early 20's and the brains of identical twins can develop differently according to how each is stimulated........ok, good tip, thanks! It also said that if I knew anyone who took cannabis or alcohol that I should tell them to go see their GP. I am not aware of anyone I know taking cannabis but alcohol?.......well, that's everybody!"Nicholas?" It was Dr Wang.I know he  sees lots of people but I got the impression he hadn't a clue why I was there. Heck, even Bored Stacey knew me now."My ultrasound results? Are they in?""Oh, yes." He fiddled at his computer. "I think they recommended a CT scan."He read the report and then turned the screen to me so  I could read it, as if I could help him understand what it said.It read:"The right kidney measures 10.9cm and the left kidney measures 9.7 cm in length. Tiny echogenic flecks are seen in both pelvisinus echo-complexes, related to echogenic paracalyceal fat, tiny non- obstructing calculi. Non-contrast CT correlation would be useful to differentiate between these possibilities. There is no renal mass on either side."I couldn't help him......I felt like a paddy field worker watching Bored Stacey's mouth move and wondering what was going on."What does it mean?" I said."I think we need a CT scan." He said. He hadn't a clue either."And my blood test results?""All fine.""And my cholesterol? I think they did a cholesterol test.""5.3."It meant nothing to me. He could have said ' it was very eggy, " and I still wouldn't have known if I was going to live or not.I had to collect my ultrasound films from Bored Stacey on the way out and take them to the hospital when I went for my CT scan.I think I woke her up when I approached the desk."I handed in some films but I need to take them when I go for a CT scan." I said.I didn't hold out much hope of her finding them under all those pastry crumbs and empty crisp packets.She peered at the referral paper Dr Wang had given me."Oh, yes, it's Nicholas isn't it." She had forgotten me already. Her brain could never be saved now.She heaved herself out of her chair, reluctantly, and wandered over to the back."Oh!" she exclaimed, waving the first envelope she put her hand on.She handed it to me triumphantly."That makes me look efficient!"I smiled but my brain was saying, 'Not really Stacey. Not really.

Introducing 'Eartha Kitten.'

So.......you may be wondering whatever happened to Santa?No, not the one that is probably holidaying in Hawaii now after a very busy Christmas, no I mean the pregnant Latvian one who wanted to move into my house with her brother and boyfriend......and who knows how many other Latvian relatives.The simple answer is .....I don't know......but I expect she has had the baby by now.As for the house 'Up Over', well, it is now finally occupied again and the rent is once more flowing into my account (only to quickly flow out again to pay the mortgage) .......my brother has been very busy sorting things out and he found a new tenant......an elderly lady with a cat.......I shall call her 'Eartha Kitten.'

Simply Shocking!

"ATTACK OF THE GIANT KILLER POSSUM!"