Water!

We were up early. It had started raining during the night and was still raining in the morning. Last night the news had warned us to expect a 'major rain event.'Someone was coming to service Jaxy at 8.00 am and I was determined to drink the 1 litre of water I had been directed to do before I went for my CT scan.....and give myself plenty of time to do it unlike the rush I had last time before my ultrasound.I drank over a litre in an hour, worried that I was going to have the same problem as last time and get there to find that I did not have a full bladder......I need not have worried.....I was bursting by 9.15 and my scan was not due until 10.20!Outside the rain was tipping it down and the garden was waterlogged and torrents were pouring down the gutters in Celtis St.Will's Slovakian mechanic arrived to tinker with Jaxy's nuts, Dulcie put the tennis on and I crossed my legs.I set off at 9.45 in Roxy. It was chaos out there.I quickly found the road I needed to go on was blocked when I saw a car with water halfway up its side standing stationary in the middle of the road a little way ahead. A police car was blocking the road before it.I had to quickly recalculate my route and turn round and head a different way.  I passed a van that had skidded off the road and crashed into a telegraph pole. There was lots of traffic trying to find ways to get around the floods. My bladder was screaming for relief as I had to wait at one set of traffic lights for three separate cycles before I could get through. I arrived slightly late at the Exact Radiology Clinic but hoped they would be understanding. I parked under the clinic in an underground car park and hoped it would not fill up with water while I was inside. I got in a very swish stainless steel lift up to the ground floor.My bladder screamed again when I saw the waiting room was packed.....but thankfully I did not have to wait too long before I was called by a small young Asian man."How are you?" He asked."Desperate for the loo," I said.He lead me into a room with a big metal do-nut shaped machine."Have you had  CT scan before?""I have," I said."Just lie down on here then and raise your arms above your head," he said and he walked away.He was back soon and pressing a button he raised the platform I was lying on and slid it on to the centre of the metal do-nut until it stopped and then he left me again. I heard a door squeak and close."Take a deep breath in and hold it," said the machine loudly. It made me jump and I almost pee'd myself.I did as it asked and the machine whirred and I slid slowly out of it.I stopped moving and I heard the door squeak open and footsteps coming nearer." Don't move, just hold that position. I just need to deal with an emergency outside," said the little Asian man slipping on rubber gloves.My bladder cried "I don't believe it! How long is he going to be?"The door squeaked closed.I spotted an x-ray image on a screen above to my left. I would recognise the shape of my tummy anywhere. I could see my spine  but was a bit concerned about dark lumps dotted around my abdomen. My bladder was not bothered, it was just saying "Look how full I am!" I could see it was.The door squeaked open, footsteps, something dropping in a bin, the sound of more rubber gloves being squeezed on, footsteps, the door squeaked close, my bladder swore.The door squeaked open again, more footsteps and then it squeaked closed again.I noticed a cursor moving over the image on the screen to my left and then I slid back into the do-nut."Take a deep breath in and hold it," said the machine. It whirred and I slowly slid out.The door squeaked open and the small Asian man was there saying,"Ok, that's it.""Can I go to the loo now?" I asked."Yes," he said "Then I'll bring your films to the waiting room."Oh, the blissful relief!He was waiting outside the loo with my films. I will take them to the doctor next week.I took the swish lift back down to the  car park which was, thankfully, not flooded and headed home.I passed another road accident near Aldi.All the creeks I passed were full to bursting and it was still raining.This afternoon we are heading down to river country for a weekend with Trace and Jen.We don't really want any extra water down there.

Doctor - Two.

Doctor - One We had a bit of a rush to get to Dr Hew this morning for 9.10. The traffic lights seemed to be against us and we had to wait for 2 trains at the rail crossing at Cooper's Plains....but we got there with a few minutes to spare."I don't think I will need that, Nick," said Dulcie as I was getting her walker out of the back of the car."Ah, but it's useful for sitting on," I said, determined it was coming with us.Marie was on the phone when we trundled in...."Yes, and Dr Hew looked at it?...........Does it need excising?..........Ha! You don't need your ear amputating then! Ok, fine, see you tomorrow then."She jumped up and gave Dulcie a huge hug."You are looking great! Look, even your hair is..........(long pause trying to choose the right word) coloured. How lovely that you came to see me today."We didn't. We came to see Dr Hew."Well, actually we didn't know you would be here. We thought you worked on Mondays and Wednesdays." I said.Marie went into a long complicated explanation of how it had changed but I didn't care so stopped listening.Dulcie went in next even though there had been another elderly couple in the waiting room when we arrived.She didn't take her walker but held onto Marie down the corridor."I can't get over how great she looks," she said to Will and I when she came back. " I think it is because she is dressed differently. She always used to come in the same thing as it it was the way she dressed for the doctors."It was.......long pants, shirt, waistcoat jacket and dark glasses. Today she was in one of her new blouses from Millers and shorts!She was soon out with Marie rushing down the corridor to help her back.She has some more antibiotics for the finger that is still sore and some new cream to put on it. Dr Hew has taken another bit of skin to get it tested."I'm not to get it wet"Crikey! Another fortnight of trying to keep her away from the washing up!Doctor - Two.My appointment was at 11.00.The waiting room was quite empty.....but there was a queue at the desk. First there was a big, burly, fluorescent labourer, then a paddy field worker complete with wide brimmed straw hat and dark glasses, then me. We stood and waited......I wondered who would be on the desk today.......I made a good guess.........I was right.Eventually Bored Stacey swaggered out of the back carrying a pink flask, probably filled with gin, and a phone. It had obviously been her fag break. It made a mockery of the poster behind her on the wall that said "This is a Surgery that supports you in quitting smoking!"The big, burly, fluorescent labourer was checked in and then completely ignoring the paddy field worker, she looked straight at me and said "Nicholas, isn't it?"I was impressed! I sat down.She finally noticed the paddy field worker and checked him in.....I think he had bit of difficulty understanding her.Today on Tonic TV I learned that honey is good for cuts, coughs and in an emergency, as a draft excluder......I jest about the last one but it could be true. Also, apparently, we need to help young people develop their brains. They don't stop developing until they are in their early 20's and the brains of identical twins can develop differently according to how each is stimulated........ok, good tip, thanks! It also said that if I knew anyone who took cannabis or alcohol that I should tell them to go see their GP. I am not aware of anyone I know taking cannabis but alcohol?.......well, that's everybody!"Nicholas?" It was Dr Wang.I know he  sees lots of people but I got the impression he hadn't a clue why I was there. Heck, even Bored Stacey knew me now."My ultrasound results? Are they in?""Oh, yes." He fiddled at his computer. "I think they recommended a CT scan."He read the report and then turned the screen to me so  I could read it, as if I could help him understand what it said.It read:"The right kidney measures 10.9cm and the left kidney measures 9.7 cm in length. Tiny echogenic flecks are seen in both pelvisinus echo-complexes, related to echogenic paracalyceal fat, tiny non- obstructing calculi. Non-contrast CT correlation would be useful to differentiate between these possibilities. There is no renal mass on either side."I couldn't help him......I felt like a paddy field worker watching Bored Stacey's mouth move and wondering what was going on."What does it mean?" I said."I think we need a CT scan." He said. He hadn't a clue either."And my blood test results?""All fine.""And my cholesterol? I think they did a cholesterol test.""5.3."It meant nothing to me. He could have said ' it was very eggy, " and I still wouldn't have known if I was going to live or not.I had to collect my ultrasound films from Bored Stacey on the way out and take them to the hospital when I went for my CT scan.I think I woke her up when I approached the desk."I handed in some films but I need to take them when I go for a CT scan." I said.I didn't hold out much hope of her finding them under all those pastry crumbs and empty crisp packets.She peered at the referral paper Dr Wang had given me."Oh, yes, it's Nicholas isn't it." She had forgotten me already. Her brain could never be saved now.She heaved herself out of her chair, reluctantly, and wandered over to the back."Oh!" she exclaimed, waving the first envelope she put her hand on.She handed it to me triumphantly."That makes me look efficient!"I smiled but my brain was saying, 'Not really Stacey. Not really.

Introducing 'Eartha Kitten.'

So.......you may be wondering whatever happened to Santa?No, not the one that is probably holidaying in Hawaii now after a very busy Christmas, no I mean the pregnant Latvian one who wanted to move into my house with her brother and boyfriend......and who knows how many other Latvian relatives.The simple answer is .....I don't know......but I expect she has had the baby by now.As for the house 'Up Over', well, it is now finally occupied again and the rent is once more flowing into my account (only to quickly flow out again to pay the mortgage) .......my brother has been very busy sorting things out and he found a new tenant......an elderly lady with a cat.......I shall call her 'Eartha Kitten.'

Simply Shocking!

"ATTACK OF THE GIANT KILLER POSSUM!"

Driving Miss Dulcie IX

'Jaxy' is not well. She has had a big lie in for 5 weeks, while Will has been off, and when he came to starting her again she wasn't having any of it and just coughed.He has a man coming on Friday to tinker with her nuts so until then our only wheels are 'Roxy'.All that was a the long way round to saying I had to take him to work this morning.....Thankfully it was a cooler night and I had managed to get some sleep but still felt like the walking dead at 7.00 am.I got back at 7.30 ish and Dulcie was up making her breakfast!!!!! What is going on?"Well, I woke up at 6.30 am and once I am awake I can't get back to sleep.""So, what about all those times we have had to wake you at 10.00 and you are lying in bed fast asleep with your clothes on having got up and got dressed?".....is what I wanted to say....but didn't."What time do we have to pick Bill up?""About 4.00 pm" I said, "But we'll set off at 3.00 and go to the bank."Dulcie had decided yesterday that she wanted to go to the bank on the way....it was a good idea.3.00 arrived. I got her walker ready."Oh, I don't think I will need that," she said."Well, if there is a big queue at the bank it's useful because you can sit on it."We got into the car."Oh, forget about the bank," she puffed, "just let's go and pick Bill up.""But we will be too early if we go now. We've set off now so we have time to go to the bank," I said."Oh, right then."We were halfway there."I better just check to see if I have my bank book with me," she said.I tried to concentrate on my driving while she unzipped and zipped zips to look for it."Yes, there it is."It was a relief."Just park in that space there," she said in the car park.....it was the space I was going to park in anyway but said."O.K."I went to get the walker out."Oh, I don't think I will need that.""But if there is a bit of a wait you will be able to sit down."She took it off me and set off but I had to go back and shut up the boot of the car. Thankfully she had been halted by a kerb. I found her holding onto her walker staring at the kerb as if she was trying to lower it by the power of her mind.....I lifted the walker up the kerb and we were off again.It was lovely and cool inside because of the air conditioning. There were two people in the queue but they soon went off to the tellers."I'd better get my bank book out," she said and started on the zips."Next!" It was Bruce."Oh, we better go Bruce is waiting, " I said.She stuffed her purse back in her walker and we walked over.She got her purse out and started on the zips again......."Now where was it?"She unzipped and zipped various pockets but couldn't find it.....the tension was rising......I leaned in to try and help and started to unzip and zip pockets myself.....One pocket was completely empty and that was the pocket that I thought it was in.'Crikey! It's not here! ' I thought and then......we found it.....in a tiny pocket that you wouldn't think it would even fit into.She asked to withdraw some money......I reminded her that she wanted it in £50, $20, $10 and $5's because last time she had just got it all in $50's and it was a bit of a pain to find change.She suddenly started on the purse zips again."What did I do with my bank book?" She was concerned."You gave it to Bruce," I said."Oh yes," she said and zipped her purse up again."How do you want it," asked Bruce."A bit of each," she said. Bruce disappeared into the back. He probably had to descend to the vault with a large key to retrieve the cash."This is lovely isn't it?" She said gripping the transparent screen and wobbling it with her hand, " I think it's bullet proof glass."The way it wobbled it certainly did not appear to be bullet proof glass. I had a fiddle myself and discovered it was plastic and cheap plastic at that.Bruce came back up from the vault and counted out the money. She put it in her purse, tossed it in her walker and thanked Bruce."Lovely to see you," he said, "take care.""Oh, I always do, Bruce," she said and she was off. I almost had to jog to keep up with her. It's a good job the sliding door slid open because she would have smashed straight through.We drove to pick up Will from work."Look at the the length of that grass. I don't know how people can live with grass that long. It's disgrace."We passed a church with a sign that said "Body piercing saved my life!""Lovely church. When I went round Australia I took lots of pictures of churches. I like churches."We were a bit early for Will.....(but actually it turned out we were late because he had texted to ask us to come early but I had not seem the message.)"Do you fancy having a walk inside and seeing where he works?" I asked.She shook her head.....she'd had enough exercise for one day."I'm tired, Nick.""Well, you were up at 7.30," I said.