The Dirty Sitter!

Last night was the hottest night so far, very sticky. It was still 27 degrees at midnight. Surprisingly I did get to sleep fairly quickly and slept without much trouble on top of the sheets. It normally cools off in the the dark hours before dawn but not last night and it was already 29 degrees and rising when I got up at 8.30 am. I chose to get up at 8.30 this morning whereas yesterday there was no point lying there quietly due to the noise from the garage as Dulcie put her washing on.Yesterday I watered all the plants in the fernery and under the pergola before breakfast. Today I put some washing on and then I went straight out and watered the plants under the front verandah. Dulcie came out above to supervise."How are my violets, Nick?"They were brown, limp and dessicated under the steps."Not good...put perhaps this water may revive them." I said...it was about as likely as England winning the next one day match against Australia.The forecast was for temperatures up to 36 degrees. Dulcie shut the house up like Fort Knox and switched on the air-con.We played three games of cards after breakfast....Euchre, euchre, euchre....She won the first 2 I won the last. The three of us have been playing every night after tea. I couldn't even begin to explain the game here but each player has 5 cards and the idea is to win at least 3 hands by choosing your best suit as trumps. The player who deals turns over a card in the middle which they can take up as trumps if they have others of the same suit in their hand. The other players can order the dealer to take up the middle card if they feel that their hand is a winner with that particular suit. I am getting a reputation as a 'dirty sitter' ie one who should really order the dealer to take up the middle card but passes on it and then wins all the hands when the dealer takes it up.A few times now Dulcie has given me one of her terrifying glares across the table and called me a 'dirty sitter', (to be clear that is correct...without an 'h') and not the usual 'sit head!' ( the one with the 'h'). Will is loving stirring it and agreeing with her...shaking his head, tutting and saying "You dirty sitter!" as I try to protest my innocence and say that I really did not feel I had the cards to order up.Who would have thought cards could be so nerve wracking?..I get quite nervous each time I play.No cricket today but while I lay in the cool atmosphere on the sofa buried in Westeros and the battle for the Iron Throne, Dulcie was watching the tennis, the Australian open. It was hard to concentrate on the book with the sound of a ladies match in the background. One sounded like she was being poked with a sharp stick alternating with the other girl's semi sneeze. Dulcie is not impressed by these 'noisy bitches' as she affectionately calls them.The air-con is indeed most welcome. It did get up to more than 34 degrees outside but we were quite comfortable inside. Dulcie is still getting used to working it. I was there yesterday when she came to switch it off. When you press the 'off' button on the remote there is about a 10 second delay before the air slats slowly close and it shuts down."It won't turn off," she said, pressing the button 'off/on' button."Yes," I said "just wait"....the slats started to close but she pressed the button again and it switched back on and they opened again."See," she said."Right, press it again," I said, she did. We watched...the slats started to close but she pressed the button again and it switched back on and they opened again."Good God!""No," I said, "press it again" resisting the urge to snatch it off her. She pressed it..."Now wait," I said. The slats finally closed and it switched off."Oh, it's done it now," she said as if I had not been there to help at all.Sigh.

3 Months A Slave and other film spoofs.

“In Post- Gillard Australia, Nicholas Allen, a pommie man from freezing Up Over, is abandoned and left as a slave. Asked to hang out washing, water plants and make biscuits at the hands of his partner’s mother, as well as being offered many kindnesses, Nicholas struggles not only to stay cool, but to gain his citizenship. In the third month of his unforgettable odyssey, the long awaited email from his Polish case officer and a forced trip to Fiji will forever alter his life....”"Dr. Nicholas Allen is a brilliant parkin engineer on his first Australian mission, with veteran Australian Will Rodgers. But on a seemingly routine Brisbane day, disaster strikes. A visa  is granted, leaving Allen and Rodgers completely adrift - tethered to nothing but each other and spiraling out of finances. The Polish case-worker tells them they have to leave the country...and there are no other options. As fear turns to panic, every trip by air eats away at what little money is left. But the only way home may be to go further out into the terrifying expanse of the Pacific.""Based on the 2013 blog by ex-pat Nicholas Possum,’ Whoops! There goes my Possum!’, POSSUM focuses on the efforts of Possum Galore, blog of a man forced out of employment - something the Wigton community seemed quite shocked at - and flown half way round the world to Australia. In following Australian doctrine, he was forced to sign a visa that wouldn't allow for any sort of employment for six months. After cleaning some windows in Stanthorpe and, for the most part, moving on with his life, Possum asks Rodgers, a Chelmer Kindergarten teacher to fly with him to Fiji to seek his long lost partner visa."

The lizard in the boot!

It is Sunday and where is Will?...at work of course. They are having an afternoon tea drop in and he is sitting under a tree playing his harp while they munch on their veggie burgers. He is not getting paid for it. It is all goodwill just like the hours he spends on their website. It is typical of Will and typical of lots of teachers and teaching assistants I know. So next time you have the misfortune to be in the company of someone bemoaning the education system or ranting about the length and amount of school holidays poke them in the eye, will you? Just say "you know nothing you idiot!"Meanwhile I am pottering about at Celtis St....and going down the back steps, spot a lizard scuttling about at the bottom. It disappears under the steps into the foliage and the shade.I go in and sit in the man cave and fiddle on my laptop. My bare feet resting on astro turf rug. It is not long before I feel ants between my toes and look down to see them scurrying about in the fake grass. I have had enough and find Dulcie's insect spray in the garage...as well as cockroaches,it also deals with ants and I spray under the door where they are getting in  and all around the fake grass rug and go back to my laptop.I hear Dulcie moving about upstairs...she was watching the cricket...I go back upstairs to see if she needs help with tea but she has already peeled the potatoes and there is nothing else for me to do.I head back down the back steps and under the house. Peering at the rug, I don't see any ants but get a shock when the lizard runs out from under the coffee table and slips, skids and slithers across the red painted floor. I give chase and it gets trapped in the corner. I am trying to chase it out but it hunkers down behind some pictures that are waiting to be put up. I move the pictures and it runs along the wall and under the bed. I peer under the bed and see it heading for the other side and leap over the bed trying to head it off before it gets trapped in the opposite corner.I fail. It is trapped again by the great bald headed ogre and cowers in the corner.It makes a dash for a pair of Will's shorts, that he has left lying on the floor rather than walk the few feet to the laundry basket where they would be much tidier, and scuttles up on of the leg holes. I pick the shorts up and gently shake them and it drops out into one of Will's boots. I contemplate leaving it there for when he next puts his boots on...it would be amusing...but decide against it.I grab the boot and squeeze the opening closed and carry it out to the fernery. I tip the boot upside down and gently shake. I see the lizard's tail hanging down but it is still holding on inside for dear life. I shake a bit harder and it drops out and scuttles off with out a hiss of thanks.The great bald headed ogre goes back to the cave and his laptop...he does have some compassion.

Caramelicious!

We went up to Bribie Island today with Ros, leaving Dulcie behind to watch cricket under her new air conditioner.

We went to the beach at Woorim. It was the busiest beach I have been on here so far.

We had a wonderful dip in the sea. It was so lovely and warm but I did feel a few little stings every now and again. I thought it might be tiny jellyfish but Will said it was 'sea lice'. I don't know whether to believe him or not but I would not be surprised if it is true. Sea lice...yet another delightful addition to the Australian experience.

Ros is not a great fan of crowds but she said she didn't mind being amongst the flock that surrounded us in the water. She gave me a great tip...always bathe with a group of people further out than you...the shark barrier, she calls it...the ones the shark will attack first leaving you time to leisurely wander back to the beach.

We had an ice cream after our dip. It was 'Caramelicious'...a double cone, that the young lad who served us, loaded with at least 4 scoops...I think he was over generous but we didn't complain.

  

In the shop where we bought the ice cream I noticed this sign...

I am hoping it was a joke...I was happy just learning the 'shark barrier' tip...these might make the leisurely walk back to the beach a little more hazardous!

Side effects!

We went for a quick walk today at Oxley Creek Common. We had wanted to go to the Arboretum but were thwarted by the level crossing at Sherwood. We sat for 15 minutes and watched 4 trains go past and still they did not raise the barrier so we turned back to Oxley Creek.The walk was just over 4km in total followed the creek that you could hardly see, was flat and pretty dull and ended up at the 'Secret Forest'. It was not so secret really with a dirty great path leading to it and was just a stand of hoop pines and hardly a forest.Apologies now for the way this post takes an unexpected turn...but I suddenly had the need to heed a call of nature and chose the shelter of one of the hoop pines.I was most alarmed to discover that my pee was fluorescent green and looked like anti-freeze! Mentioning it to Will he nodded knowingly and said it was because I was not drinking enough fluids...but I have been drinking what I normally drink and I have never seen it like that before.I don't remember much about the walk back to the car as I was still in shock and wondering how long I and the hoop pine I pee'd on  had left to live.I survived long enough to enjoy the pickled pork stew Will made for tea and have just googled 'Florescent pee.'Those bloody mosquitoes are to blame for it!If it wasn't for them I wouldn't be taking vitamin B tablets and it is the tablets that can have that effect upon you.What a fluorescent relief!