Driving Miss Dulcie III

Today we had to go for an outpatients visit to the Queen Elizabeth II Jubilee Hospital. Today, also, hopefully the air conditioning will be sorted. Poor Danny, Will’s brother, who has been sorting it out for his mum arrived about 8.30 before he headed off to buy the complete new unit. He is also getting hassle from the people who he originally called to fix the old one but who did not notice it needed a new compressor as well as a new motor. In the end it has turned out more economical to buy a new one but there is still the matter of the parts that were ordered to fix the old one that still have to be resolved. Dulcie is fed up of the whole thing but Danny is shielding her from a lot of the worry.The hospital appointment was at 9.30. We checked the letter for all that we needed to take with us, the appointment letter, recent x-rays and the list of her current medication.We left at 9.00. I was driving so that I could drop them off at the door and Will could take Dulcie in. We all climbed in the car and I started it up and put it in reverse but noticed the air-con was playing up in the car again. I switched off the engine and started it again to get the temperamental  thing working but my foot slipped off the clutch and Roxy lurched backwards with a loud ‘clunk!’“Oh!” cried Dulcie and gave me one of her frightening glares.“Oops! Sorry” I chuckled nervously. I saw Will shaking his head in disbelief in the rear view mirror.We were half way there when she patted my arm on the gearstick.“Thanks for remembering my glasses Nick,” she said. I hadn’t, it had been Will but I took the credit anyway and said;“Oh, that’s ok.”I dropped them off at the outpatient entrance at the hospital and went to park the car. It wasn’t too difficult to find a parking space and then walked back to the out-patient clinic to find them. I walked in and looked in the waiting room. They weren’t there. I wandered down the corridor and found another waiting room but they weren’t there either. I then found another waiting area but again there was no sign of them. I was just wondering what to do next as I headed back to the entrance when I saw them wander in and stand at the reception desk. Will had completely missed the entrance to the out-patient clinic even though I had dropped them off right outside it and had taken Dulcie to the main entrance of the hospital where they had been pointed in the right direction.Shirelle was sat at reception with a Madonna microphone and ear-piece.“Can I help you -oooo?”  She over emphasised and prolonged the ‘oo’ sound in words.Dulcie handed her the appointment letter.“That’s for the Green Suite, their reception is behind you-oooo.”There were quite a lot of different suites on the sign by Shirelle’s desk. I imagined the Green Suite to be for people like Dulcie just having a quick check up and then they go. The Red Suite was probably for people with blood disorders, the Blue Suite for people having difficulty breathing, the Purple Suite for bruising, the Yellow Suite for bladder disorders, I didn’t want to dwell on the Brown Suite and I doubt once you entered the Black Suite you ever came back.While we were waiting for the Green Suite receptionist to check Dulcie’s papers, I heard Shirelle speaking into her Madonna microphone.“This is Shirelle at reception I have some samples for you-ooo,........ yes, two-ooo....... Ok, will do-ooo.”We went and sat in the Green Suite waiting room. It was quite busy and I suspected we were in for a long wait. There were two old dears sat opposite us chatting quietly and conspiratorially.A sign on the wall above their heads urged us to “Join the Bowel Movement!” It was obviously a sign that should have been displayed in the Brown Suite.A large fellow ambled passed who had probably not been able to see his feet or anything below his belly button for quite some time. He found a seat on the far side next to the two old dears.A woman with a stick and wild hair limped passed and out of the waiting area.We sat not speaking and contemplated joining the Bowel Movement.The chap who would not recognise his feet if he ever saw them spoke up. He leaned closer to the two old dears,“I heard a bloke was here last week, he saw the doctor at 9.30 and was dead at 3.00.”He laughed and the old dears laughed too...but there was fear in their eyes, not because they were worried that they would be dead by the end of the day but because they realised he was going to be one of those people who frequent waiting rooms and once he starts talking to you...never stops.He started on another tale about an ambulance breaking down on the way up to Toowoomba and crawling at 20 km per hour. They listened politely but as soon as it was finished turned away from him and started talking quietly to each other to look busy.The large chap sat back. Will closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.The woman with the stick and wild hair limped back in and sat down.There was a moment of peace and quiet then Shirelle broke it over in reception with a loud“How are you-oooo?”A little doctor wandered in.“Jennifer Chalmers?” He looked around. No one moved. “Jennifer Chalmers?”The woman with the stick and wild hair jumped up nearly dropping her stick.“Oh, that’s me.” She was nearly twice as tall as the doctor.“It’s a bit of a walk,” he said.“That’s ok” she said limping out after him.I sighed a big sigh. Dulcie looked at me.“Patients,” she said, “Patients” ....that is what I thought she said but it was really ‘Patience.’A man and his wife came and sat opposite us.  He looked Maori. They immediately both got out their mobile phones.“They are making three sequels to Avatar in New Zealand,” he said to his wife, “but it seems they are having difficulty keeping the blue paint on the Maoris.”His phone rang. I think it was his daughter. I tried not to eavesdrop but what else can you do in the Green Suite on a Thursday morning?Someone had tried to steal her car but they had not managed it but it seems they had taken the keys. He told her to get all the locks changed on the house and put the car in the ‘shid.’ I think ‘shid’ is maori for shed.She asked what he was doing and he told her he was at the hospital with ‘mum’. She must have asked why. He asked his wife, “why are we here again?” She looked about nervously and then said quietly, “because of the lumps on my back.”“The lumps on her back,” he repeated.We all sat quietly and tried not to imagine the lumps on her back.Another tiny doctor came in and took away one of the old dears. The large chap with unseen feet leaned towards the one left behind but she grabbed a magazine and buried herself in it.I wondered if all the doctors were the size of hobbits so that they could fit them more of them in, after all there were quite a lot of suites in the building.“We should have brought some cards.” I quipped.Finally an unseen hobbit called ‘Dulcie Rodgers’ and she got up taking all her documents with her.Three minutes later she was back. We thought she had forgotten something but the consultation was over. They had not looked at the x-ray or the list of medication.As we walked out Shirelle was chatting to one of the tiny doctors,“What can I do-oooo for you-ooooo?” She smiled looking down at him.We’ll never know.

And the winner is......

So... as you know in order to kick start my Partnership Visa I have to leave the country for at least 3 working days.The trip has been booked! We are both flying out on Tuesday the 4th of February and will return to my new adoptive home on Saturday 8th February.Will has got a colleague to work one of his days and in return he will work one of her days the following week.The Nominees for the Country of Destination are New Zealand, Bali, Fiji, Vanuatu and New Caledonia.....and the winner is......................(Drumroll)...............(and a very long X Factorish kind of long pause).....................................................

FIJI!!!!!!!

After lots of searching and umming and ahhing, Fiji won!

It works out slightly more expensive than a trip to New Zealand but is worth it for the extras that are included in the price.

We are staying for 4 nights at the Wellesley Resort on Fiji, with return transfers to and from the airport and all our meals are included!

Here is their website for your perusal:

http://wellesleyresort.com.fj/

I am very happy. It looks lovely, will hopefully be hassle free, I am not going alone and it will be a relaxing , memorable short break before we head back 'Home.'

Film Night and other updates.

Tuesday night is becoming our film night.Tickets are only $6.50 at the Cineplex at Southbank in Brisbane, that's about £4.Over the past weeks we have seen, Gravity, The Hobbit, American Hustle, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty , Philomena and tonight we saw Saving Mr Banks. I have loved them all and recommend them all.In other news...the air conditioning is still not fixed and it would now seem that it needs a new condenser. It is an annoying blow and Dulcie is quite fed up with the whole thing. We can but wait to see how things play out as the temperatures this week hover around 30 degrees.The options for leaving the country are Bali, Fiji, Vanuatu, New Caledonia and New Zealand. Vanuatu and New Caledonia are the more exotic but expensive options, whilst Fiji and Bali are the more 'package holiday' options but I would want to do them in style and not share a dormitory with six strangers but unfortunately we cannot afford that. New Zealand is therefore appearing to be the front runner, and may involve some camping and backpacking. New Zealand to me is mountains, rain, cold weather, Maoris sticking their tongues out at you, the rubbing of noses and orcs. The beginning of February is what I an aiming for so that I can get cracking on job hunting.You may be perhaps pleased to note that I have passed upon the Brothel Receptionist job and will apply to the Queensland College of Teachers for permission to teach here.  I will do supply if I can. I could therefore get work here in Brisbane while we are here but also work up at Stanthorpe while we are up at Frogknot and most of all it would mean that Will and I would have the same holidays and that is very important.

Explosion in the Man Cave!

Will made some ginger beer last week and bottled it in plastic bottles because, and I quote "they will not explode."He put the 6 filled bottles in a corner of the man cave annex to mature.Sweeping out the man cave this morning I noticed one had fallen over and tried to stand it up but found that it's usual flat bottom was quite rounded. I stood it up as best as I could, leaning on some of the other bottles, and turned away when suddenly there was a loud bang!The bottle had exploded. It sent another bottle flying about 10 feet and sprayed ginger beer all over the annex.I spent a happy(...not)! hour cleaning up the mess! Despite my efforts the place smells more like a man cave than before...slightly 'beery'.I have released the pressure in the other bottles and removed them to a more remote part of the garage.

Plastic bottles do not explode apparently.

Three months in...and still alive!

So I have been here just over three months now. It does feel like much longer though not because my time is dragging. There are very few days when I have, to coin a phrase from Dulcie, 'sat on my a**e all day.'Three months and no snakes! That's good! It just goes to show that either they are as shy as everyone here says they are or I've walked past dozens oblivious dicing with death!. I am not so bothered by creepy crawlies as I was. Let's face it...I am part human part, mosquito now. The sight of a cockroach would have sent shivers down my spine 3 months ago and I would have backed away and got Will but now I go after them with a vengeance. I haven't seen that many spiders either and no redbacks...mind you I don't know what they look like if I bumped into one so perhaps I did and didn't know. I do have a rather sore lump on my inner thigh...but I suspect that was the gift of a sand fly.The weather...It's hot!...but the heat has not overly bothered me yet. Even Will thinks I have acclimatised better than he has. When we were down at the Clarence I felt quite chilly and if it had been that temperature in the UK everyone would have been on the beach smiling with joy. I still have lots to learn...at the beach the other day I put on the sunblock but did not  reapply after my dip and after spending the day sat in the sun wearing my sunglasses, spent the evening sat at the table looking like a red  panda!Like most Australians I do now look forward to rain...who would have though it? Water is definitely more precious here and you look out at the wilting greenery and just wish it would rain. I love the storms. I love the way they build up after a hot day and you see them rolling in. I have seen more forked lightning in three months than in the past thirty years in the UK.Things do seem much bigger here...apart from the spiders...vegetables and fruit seem much bigger here than in the UK. I was driving back from dropping Will off at work this morning (Yes, he has gone back) and I nearly crashed Roxy when I spotted what looked like a large fawn coloured antelope lying dead on the footpath....it was actually a leaf! A flippin' big leaf! A palm leaf...as big as a dead antelope.I get up earlier than I did, I wear less clothes than I did, I hardly ever wear socks any more. I eat more pies than I did...(hard to believe I know), I've read more books than I did...( two...and am on my 3rd). I miss family and friends, and decent tv and unlimited internet, and the proper vimto, not the weird Arabian version and Arm and Hammer bicarbonate toothpaste and Minstrels and money but I am happy and glad I came.So now I have to find a cheap flight out and then come back again to kick start my permanent visa and then I can look for a job. I don't know what I want to do...I don't know what I can do...apart from teach. I don't feel I have any skills at all. I did find this last night:"Receptionist position at legalised brothelAbout the Job Receptionist position at legalised brothel Work in a relaxed and safe environment.Ladies are preferred for this position.Successful Applicant will display the following attributes:

• Good interpersonal and communication skills
• High level of integrity and demonstrated ability to work within a team.
• Friendly disposition
• Reliable and trustworthy
• Open minded
• Ability to work unsupervised

Job description: • Sunday, Monday, Tuesday Night Shifts (5:00pm - 2:00am)• Greet clients• Answer phones• Record bookings• General cleaning• No sexual activities involved• No physical contact with clientsPrefered way of contact is to call Emily on 04*7**7**3 after 10am." It would be different!